Freedom in submission

My first blog post in a really really long time.

A bit about me: I am submissive.  I am not weak.  I am strong.  Assertive.  I have a career and a family.  And I also have a deep need to submit to a man worthy of my submission.  There is a power in that.  But most of all, I feel free. Proud.  Myself.  With a man who looks at me and treasures me while he dominates me.  With a man who feels a million feet tall while I kneel at his feet.  A man strong enough to take my cares, my worries, my stress, and hold on to them for me.  And who takes me to a place where I can fly.

It’s difficult for “vanilla” people to understand why I love the things I do.  Why I feel loved instead of abused when being smacked or flogged.  They don’t understand how I can feel joy in the pain.  Valued when exposed.  That’s ok.  Perhaps you are reading this blog because you totally get it, and I totally get it, and we have that in common.  Or perhaps you landed here because you were curious.  Appalled. Whatever your reasons, thank you for being here.

I had a Dominant for a long time.  4 years almost to the day.  He broke my heart.  But that was to be expected I guess.  The bond between a Dom and his sub go so far beyond a vanilla relationship.  As a sub I bared my soul.  I allowed him to take me to my basest animal self.  A place where your ego cannot survive.  But that ended, as many things do.  I will be honest it was like he had died.  I didn’t know how to handle it at first.  The grief just welled up and expanded inside me until it finally exploded, literally pouring out of me. And with that outpouring I realized that it was gone.  The anger, the sadness.  And I was ready.

Regardless of what happened (I am not going into details because this blog is about my present, and not my past) he taught me a lot about myself.  He pushed my limits into discovering kinks and desires that I never knew were there, or were buried so deeply I couldn’t admit them to myself.  I am glad for that, if nothing else.  I now have entered the world knowing who I am.  Knowing what I want and what I do not want.  And knowing that even if the worst happens, I will be OK.  I am a good sub, with a lot to offer, and a heart with so much love to give.

This blog is the story of a submissive, seeking her new Master.  The man who can calm my storm.  I see so many blogs by subs who have been inspired by their current Master to write about it.  Their hearts bursting with love and gratitude for their Dom/Master/Daddy/Sadist whoever they may be.  But I wanted to start from the beginning.

I am a sub with no Master.  I am drifting.  But I am OK.  I am starting over and I am excited about that for the first time in a long time.