My first blog post in a really really long time.
A bit about me: I am submissive. I am not weak. I am strong. Assertive. I have a career and a family. And I also have a deep need to submit to a man worthy of my submission. There is a power in that. But most of all, I feel free. Proud. Myself. With a man who looks at me and treasures me while he dominates me. With a man who feels a million feet tall while I kneel at his feet. A man strong enough to take my cares, my worries, my stress, and hold on to them for me. And who takes me to a place where I can fly.
It’s difficult for “vanilla” people to understand why I love the things I do. Why I feel loved instead of abused when being smacked or flogged. They don’t understand how I can feel joy in the pain. Valued when exposed. That’s ok. Perhaps you are reading this blog because you totally get it, and I totally get it, and we have that in common. Or perhaps you landed here because you were curious. Appalled. Whatever your reasons, thank you for being here.
I had a Dominant for a long time. 4 years almost to the day. He broke my heart. But that was to be expected I guess. The bond between a Dom and his sub go so far beyond a vanilla relationship. As a sub I bared my soul. I allowed him to take me to my basest animal self. A place where your ego cannot survive. But that ended, as many things do. I will be honest it was like he had died. I didn’t know how to handle it at first. The grief just welled up and expanded inside me until it finally exploded, literally pouring out of me. And with that outpouring I realized that it was gone. The anger, the sadness. And I was ready.
Regardless of what happened (I am not going into details because this blog is about my present, and not my past) he taught me a lot about myself. He pushed my limits into discovering kinks and desires that I never knew were there, or were buried so deeply I couldn’t admit them to myself. I am glad for that, if nothing else. I now have entered the world knowing who I am. Knowing what I want and what I do not want. And knowing that even if the worst happens, I will be OK. I am a good sub, with a lot to offer, and a heart with so much love to give.
This blog is the story of a submissive, seeking her new Master. The man who can calm my storm. I see so many blogs by subs who have been inspired by their current Master to write about it. Their hearts bursting with love and gratitude for their Dom/Master/Daddy/Sadist whoever they may be. But I wanted to start from the beginning.
I am a sub with no Master. I am drifting. But I am OK. I am starting over and I am excited about that for the first time in a long time.