Another venting post, sorry. I have a feeling there will be more of these to come during this long intermission before I can see Sir again and get my inner subbie back to her happy place.
I am having a really hard day. I have realized that I am PMS-ing (TMI? lol) and that when I am PMS-ing I have an impossible time regulating my emotions and this edgy, lost feeling becomes overwhelming. 😦
I can’t bear the thought of another 3 plus weeks going by without seeing him and getting my submissive on but I know I will have to. There literally won’t be any way to fit anything in before then due to conflicting travel plans on both our parts. So certainly no one is to blame. But it freaking sucks!
It is only times like these that I struggle with, not jealousy, but envy of Sir’s relationship with his primary. I don’t want what they have, per say, I just am feeling down and all over the place and I don’t know how to reach out to him to tell him so when a. it won’t make any difference as we can’t see each other for a few weeks anyway, b. he can’t “fix” my hormones and c. I don’t feel like my inability to compartmentalize properly for a few days is his problem. So yeah. When I hear about the time that they get to have together it makes me feel a little blue. Ok, a LOT blue this time of the month.
With my last relationship, while we have established that it was extremely dysfunctional much of the time, I have to give him credit for being very understanding of me during this time of the month. If I told him I was an emotional wreck due to hormones he always made an effort to either come over and snuggle, or if he couldn’t he would call me. This isn’t me reminiscing, just recognizing that this was something that helped me feel better. Maybe one day when things aren’t so new Sir and I will get to a place where I feel comfortable reaching out to him during times like these. I just utterly hate how irrationally emotional I am during this time and I do NOT want to be the needy sub.
I feel almost like I have a case of sub-drop. This is clearly not the case but I still feel a bit lost, all the same. God what I wouldn’t give for some serious impact play and snuggles right about now.
I also don’t have anyone I can really talk to about this who would understand other than Sir’s primary, who I really don’t think would want to hear me pine for her boyfriend, no matter how close her and I have grown lately lol. So you, my poor blogging friends get to hear me whine and moan. Lucky you! 😉
Just me, having a pity party table of one over here.