What Say You Lovely Bloggers?

Hello lovely blogging friends!

I had a question, almost a survey of sorts for those of you who are in D/s relationships.

It’s about tasks (for lack of a better word).

Basically what I have been struggling with a lot lately in feeling the need to submit when apart from Sir and not having a way to do that (although truth be told I think just having some freaking patience is an exercise in submission all in itself!) haha

I mentioned in my last post that I didn’t think Sir and I were there yet (or if it will ever be a part of our dynamic due to me not being his primary D/s relationship, or he may not even have any interest in this kind of thing, I don’t know yet) regarding him setting tasks for me.  By tasks I really just mean something for me to do for him so that I can feel as though I am submitting to him even when we are apart.  I feel like this would be hugely comforting for me and ease some of the edginess I feel when more than a week or two goes by in-between dates. Being halfway through a 6 week (or more) period of absence due to crazy busy schedules and travel on both of our parts I am really really struggling with my submission and no where to place it!

I see many of your blogs where your blog in itself is a task set to you by your d-types, for some it is sending a text with specific content or a picture every day, or going to bed at a certain time, others have dietary or exercise rules or restrictions etc. etc.  The list could go on.  I am open to pretty much anything, provided it is something I can do without it interfering with my work or family.  I don’t know if it would help me in these in-between times but I have to think it will.  I know it is something I would like to experience.

My problem is this:  I am too scared to ask.  Part of me feels like if this was something he was interested in doing he would have brought it up already.  (logic says we are still new and he may just not realize that I would be ok with that this early in the game).  I also feel like it must be like, work for the Dom.  I feel like I would be essentially asking him to put yet another thing on his plate by giving me a task and holding me accountable to it.  I certainly do not, in any way, wish to become a chore for him.  I shudder at the thought of that.

What are your thoughts, friends?  I would love to hear the perspective of both s and D types on this if you have a moment.  If this is something you have in your dynamic how did it come about?  If not, have you talked about it?  I am open to hearing other’s experiences 🙂

I kind of put the feelers out by just asking him what his opinion on setting tasks was so once I get a reply maybe that will clear things up a bit.  But actually saying “hey I would love for you to add even more to your schedule and responsibilities by giving me some tasks and them holding me accountable to them.”  I know communication is key, and this is definitely NOT a deal breaker type thing for me – we’ve had some great talks as you all know and are in a really good place.  I just feel a bit…..lost when too long goes by and I have to keep my inner subbie locked in a box.

Thanks for letting me ramble, as always


14 thoughts on “What Say You Lovely Bloggers?

    1. Thank you 🙂 yes I do follow them i should reach out you’re right 🙂
      I know in my case both Sir and I hhave “primary” relationships so are each others secondary. A lot of poly people don’t subscribe to a hierarchy but to me it’s more just a matter of only having so much time and energy to devote as I have a family at home. But I can feel it’s also a bit more than “just friends” too between us. Just a bit but you never know what the future holds. Either way I’m content with where things are, I’m just wishing I had somewhere to put this submissive energy at the moment. Sigh.
      Thank you for your advice, I think I will bring it up next time I see him. Maybe say something like “I’m feeling a lot of subbie energy when we are apart and I don’t know where to put it. Do you have any advice?” See what he says . I dunno


  1. If you’re struggling then TELL HIM. If he’s the right Dom for you (and he sounds like he is), he will understand. I typically go 4-5 weeks between visits with my Dom, and we don’t always get to have a full out impact session like I so heartily crave, so I have asked for tasks before to help ease the stress I feel. They’re not usually anything too major (the last was to write down every time I had an orgasm and what caused it). Even just that little reminder helped me immensely.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m lucky, because I was able to move into an apartment with my owner. However, we both have full-time work schedules and there are days when we don’t do more than text each other hello. As such, I’ve been given some little things to “keep the edge off” between playtimes. He says he likes giving them, because it keeps the edge off for him too. Possibly yours will feel the same and will be more than happy that you asked. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes this is true. Because I am married to a vanilla man (who is wonderfully accepting of me having a dom) having that level of relationship with Sir is not in the cards. This is fine but I do wish I could submit more you know? But yes the thought had occurred to me that he may actually enjoy upping the level and just hasn’t because he’s easing me into things. Guess I won’t unless I ask. *face palm* why is communicating hard. Lol

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I ask myself the same thing all the time! And it’s awesome that you’re finding a way that suits you. 🙂 I’m sure there’ll be a learning curve for the tasks like there is for everything else, lol.


  3. If you come at the issue as a submissive who wants to serve her Dom more, I’m sure if he’s clever he’ll find delicious tasks for you to perform that wont overload his plate. Be honest and keep the dynamic of your relation in the front of you mind.


    take the initiative, preform a task and send him proof. then ask for another. Food for thought. good luck 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. omg I am late and never saw this.

    But really telling him is the best answer. Because that is how I did.

    I simply told,

    I would like to extend Master’s control beyond times I am logged in for him. Specially because of our distance, the times of interaction is not much in a week. And that I thought that doing tasks daily or anyway time Master want to defined by Master, so will help me to feel that I am in Masters control. I also told that I did not want to pressure Master to think up things just for that. I told anything simple is enough even being on pose for him for a time.

    He actually love the idea and was so happy to hear that. So after some time Master thinking, and talking to me, that is how I got my proper rules list for daily.

    I hope I helped, and I am really looking forward to help 🙂 Good luck, just ask him, it will work.

    Liked by 1 person

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