Because I don’t get to see Sir very frequently (right now we are averaging every other week or so) it leaves me a lot of time to think. I haven’t decided if this is good or bad lol but it is what it is. I am truly happy at how much I am learning about myself since meeting him though. I know that being a Dom must be a lot of work, but it seems so effortless to him in the moment. That inner confidence that radiates from him, the way he is able to express his desires with a word, a whisper. It makes me respond instantly.
One thing I have been thinking about lately is why having marks, bruises, welts, whatever is so special to me. So important.
There’s the obvious that it serves as a lovely reminder of our time together. And it does – every time I sat down today I was instantly taken back to that time when I was squirming under his hands/paddles/cane. It makes it a bit hard to concentrate to be honest, but it is so so worth the distraction lol. (and the masochist in me enjoys the little shivers of discomfort)
But it is more than that for me. There is something so incredibly intimate about wearing the mark of someone. It stays with me for days, a mark of being claimed, a reminder of how he took his pleasure from my body, a mark of my submission. It centers me, calms me, makes me feel…….right. Grounded. It brings me back not just to the acts of that day but to the intimacy shared. The power exchanged. The trust I placed in his hands that day. The fact that I am still feeling discomfort makes me feel as though I continue to submit and endure for him even though we are apart. I hold onto that.
I have been working up the courage to ask if Sir would be interested in finding a way to help me feel as though I am submitting to him during the times between dates when I can’t see him. I feel submissive to him, but without a way to express that I feel a bit lost. Like I am hungry but with no food. A dog without a bone, so to speak. I don’t like how that feels. Maybe a small daily task or something would help be feel calmer in between. Anyone else feel this way? What did you do to help that?
Sir is about to become really super busy over the next 6 weeks or so due to personal and family obligations, he seems confident that we can fit in a few dates, but it won’t be often and I think having a way to feel like I am still submitting to him will help me stay grounded in the interim. I dunno. I am not sure still where his thoughts are so I don’t know what he would think of that.
But for now, for this week anyway, my butt and the backs of my thighs are feeling it so this subbie is content for now 🙂