Deep Breath

think everything is going to be ok.  I think.

After sending my long rambling email to Sir yesterday afternoon I was in a bit of a panic.  Would he interpret it the right way?  Have I just screwed it all up?  I didn’t sleep well, it took me forever to fall asleep and I must have been restless because I woke up just exhausted and have been yawning all day.

But, when I woke up this morning there was a text from Sir thanking me for my email and letting him know what was on my mind.  He said the second he had the time to properly devote to answering my questions he would and to sit tight.  So I am.  Sitting tight.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still terrified of what those answers are going to be, but at least I know he is receptive to what I had to say/express/ask and he hasn’t just gone running for the hills.  What will ultimately happen though I don’t know yet.  I am still “sitting tight” and trying to not get into a worst-case scenario mental spiral.  I am learning so much about myself, my submission and D/s in general since meeting him and I would hate to lose that.  But I am cautiously optimistic.  I mean, he wouldn’t have sent me x’s and o’s if he was going to tell me to screw off, right?! LOL fingers crossed

All in all I am glad I was open about how I was feeling.  Relationships of any kind can’t exist (not in a healthy positive way at least) without communication, especially D/s ones.

Keep your fingers (and toes, and arms and legs if you like) for me friends 🙂 And I’ll just keep taking big deep breaths over here and try not to freak out


4 thoughts on “Deep Breath

  1. Write it out. Journal. Write a letter to him expressing your fears and anxiety. You don’t have to send it. But if you can get all those negative feelings out of your body/mind/heart then you will be in a better mental state when he does give you his answers.
    You could go for a walk. Burn up some energy that way.
    Pick some weeds.
    Go for a drive.
    Anything to keep your mind focused on good positive things. Fear and anxiety are toxic to your heart. Stay strong. You are doing amazing!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you my friend 🙂 Yes I did actually write it out. It would be a bit to throw at anyone all at once, lol but it is good to get it out of my brain! For now I am just focusing on what I need at a basic level to feel happy and safe. If he is able and willing to provide that then we can build on that and I will be content enough to relax and “see where things go”. But if he is not able to give me the basics (for me) then I would rather know now before I get any more attached. So either way, it had to be done. It’s just the waiting that is killing me now! But I knew he was super busy this week so that’s my fault for throwing this at him now of all times lol. But I wanted to do it before seeing him in person again, because my brain just turns to subbie-mush when we are together and I am barely capable of saying more than a whispered “yes Sir” lol. Damn those Domly super powers!

      Liked by 2 people

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