I am feeling a little better today. I have to thank all you blogger friends for your support yesterday – it was a tough day and your words meant the world – you dear dear bloggers were my after care.
I think I realized one of the reasons I was hit so hard yesterday. Sir is great post scene, he really is. There is lots of snuggles and kisses and stroking and warmth. It doesn’t last as long as I’d love but, you know, life. But last time I hit a weird place after I got home – maybe you can let me know if anything similar has ever happened to you.
I got home and about 20 minutes later I was totally spaced out. I don’t mean the nefarious “cunt brain” kind of spaced out but a border line subspace spaced out. I was fuzzy and foggy, my pupils were dilated, I could barely string together a sentence without stuttering. It was weird and something I have never experienced before. It wasn’t as all encompassing that I have heard subspace is, but I was definitely out of it. It lasted for a couple of hours, and a coffee and a shower brought me back. What the heck? Maybe my mood yesterday was that the aftercare happened before I needed it? I dunno.
But my thoughts still stand that I need to just have an open conversation with Sir about all my thoughts and feelings before any more play time. I hated feeling like I didn’t know if I could go to him with my bad feelings yesterday and I need to know where we stand on stuff like that. And it obviously isn’t his fault if I don’t receive something I need because I haven’t told him I need it.
I messaged Sir today asking him if we could talk, that I had a lot of thoughts and questions that I would like to share if he was interested. He says he would love to hear all my thoughts and so a good talk is now officially on the agenda. I feel better knowing that regardless of the outcome, I will have been open and honest.