So I should have never questioned if Sir had it in him to give me exactly what I needed. I didn’t have to ask for more intensity after all. I got it. Maybe he has discovered this blog? (oh god please no lol). But today was intense and wonderful. Whipped and flogged with all manner of implements from floggers, to whips to paddles to a yard stick. Oh my. I was wobbly by the end and moaning and in heaven throughout. How is it that even when it really fucking hurts all I can think of is having more? Guess I really am a pain slut after all 😉
This date was also a bit more instructive that before, he made sure to tell me what he expects in certain situation, positions he wants me in at a word. And more than that, after the awkward events of last night it was just nice to be able to touch him and have him touch me. And realize that we do have a connection. I don’t know what it means yet but it’s there.
I had to call “mercy” though with one implement. It was a pain I just couldn’t lean into or breathe through – waaaay too stingy. I tried my best but in the end called out mercy. I had a moment of fear, the first with Sir, because with my ex, calling a safe word was not immediately honored, and I was often punished in some way for using it. I would either be told I was “weak” or “clearly not a true sub” or that I was “whining”. Or he would just walk away and ignore me. So today, for a brief moment I feared Sir’s reaction to me using it. I was fastened to an X frame with my back to him and the second I said Mercy he dropped the whip and was pressed against my back stroking and kissing me and calming me. I felt like apologizing but forced myself not to. I will not allow my past experiences to make me feel like I need to apologize for hitting a pain threshold limit. And if the black and blue condition of my butt is any indication I clearly was able to take quite a bit.
Even if things with Sir were to end today – knowing what is out there, what a GOOD Dom looks like there is no way, in hell, EVER that I could go back to a situation like I had before. This. Is. So. Much. Better.
Dear Ex: I am SO over you.