Where Do I Stand?

Last night was……awkward.

It was me, Sir, and his friend? Girlfriend? Other sub?  I am not 100% sure how they define their dynamic.

Don’t get me wrong, I had fun, and it was nice and very very new to be able to be so open about this side of myself but I couldn’t help but feeling like it was some kind of three-way date type thing and I didn’t know how to handle it.  How do I act?  Where do I sit?  What do I say?  I had to work really hard the whole night not to shut down.  She was very nice and we got along very well, but I couldn’t help but feel like a bit of a third wheel.  Not because I was left out – Sir was very good at making sure he was giving equal attention, it was impressive actually, but they have so much history I kind of felt like I didn’t really belong.  Probably just my own feelings and not theirs but regardless. This is to be expected, Sir and I just haven’t been seeing each other long enough to have our own history. Also my one on one time has been postponed so I was feeling kind of bummed out about that.  This subbie really needs a spanking and now I am not getting one and I am sad 😦

I have no problem that Sir is seeing her, none at all.  She is also seeing other people.  But I guess I am feeling like I don’t know where I stand.  I don’t really know what Sir wants with me.  They go places and do things – will I get to do that?  I think probably we will and we just haven’t yet because it’s only been a couple months but I am feeling a bit…..insecure.

Sir took us out for a nice dinner.  It was interesting, I got a taste of what it must be like for people in poly triad type relationships, we really did get along very well.  I think that because I don’t know where I stand I didn’t know how to act.  I m very into touch – just little touches to keep connected.  You know, a stroke on the arm, a hand on the back, a kiss on the cheek nothing too PDA, but they weren’t touching so I didn’t touch.  Ugh I guess I just found the whole night very….confusing.  Clearly I need to talk to Sir and figure out what he hopes to get from our relationship, because right now I have no idea and it is eating me up inside.  They invited me to come back and play but I declined, I was in no headspace to play and I don’t think I could with both of them until I know my role.  She is important to him, which is wonderful and I don’t resent that at all, I just want to make sure that I am important to him too.  But I don’t have a clue how to have this conversation.

So yeah.

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8 thoughts on “Where Do I Stand?

  1. I so understand all of the turmoil that you expressed here. My owner has had . . . not girlfriends, but certainly girl friends with benefits. I’ve always been totally fine with that . . . but the first time the three of us took a day trip together, I froze up from uncertainty and indecision. Feeling unsettled is something I loath. Thankfully, he saw that I was uncomfortable and brought the subject up one night when it was just the two of us. He was very considerate and I found out that most of my fears and insecurities were in my own mind. And that the other girl in question had felt almost the same! We talked it out and found our balance, and I hope you’re able to do the same! Any type of poly relationship is difficult, I think, but so are most standard relationships too, I guess.

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    1. Thank you! Yes I think most of my issues are simply that I don’t really know where I stand or what he is thinking/feeling, not anything to do with him and her, but to do with him and me. Hopefully I can get some things off my chest next time I see him, now that he knows I need to talk he won’t strip me naked the minute I walk in the door (very distracting! haha)

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      1. Agreed! I had to actually let my Owner know the morning before I wanted to talk to Him, because I tend to get so distracted around Him that I can’t think very straight, most times. I actually wrote myself a list of the things I wanted to ask, so that I wouldn’t get flustered and forget something.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. When He brought it up, I thought I was going to have a panic attack, because in the text, I’d asked him to wait to go over it until I’d had some time to settle down. He went, “Nope. Let’s talk now.” But it turned out to be for the best. 🙂

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