This part-time submission is seriously frustrating.
Reality is, due to my life/situation/marriage there is no way I could forge a 24/7 D/s relationship and to be honest, I don’t think I would want to, although it is a moot point anyway so who knows. But I do know that these long waits in-between are making me crazy! LOL Part of it is the new fun butterly-y feelings that have me wanting to do everything right now right away! Like the one bite of your favorite dessert you have to satisfy a craving but that only ends up creating more desire and wanting to just finish the whole cake thank you very much. Ya know?
I wish I could submit every day. Not on a 24/7 M/s level, but in some small way. A task, an order, something. Something to help me feel connected, to help me feel more useful, more pleasing. I don’t even know yet if Sir is the “task-delivering” type, and I have never before desired tasks. At all. But the submission I feel towards him when we are together lingers. It lingers, reaching, and is grasping at nothing until I see him again (one week yay!). My inner sub is pouting and stamping her foot at not being taken out to play all the time (she is a greedy little thing tsk tsk) and she doesn’t even identify as a brat lol. Not that I am trying to be ungrateful, I’m not. I am thrilled, grateful, happy and satisfied. Truly. Just…..having a hard time being patient! haha Clearly, patience is a virtue I do not posses in great amounts.
I think it is just such a good, solid, warm and wonderful feeling to please someone in that way that I want to be given more and more opportunities to do so. And although he has my body literally jumping with adrenaline, trembling, shallow breath, my mind is calm.. Centered. Focused. Ok ok, sometimes there isn’t much “mind” at all going on with all the sensations (and, ahem, orgasms) but generally I feel at peace. Like this is so exactly what I have been looking for for years I just want to go back there again and again. And again.
Sir is a quiet man. Calm. Composed. Like I said before he dominates in whispers. It soothes me, and forces my focus as I don’t want to miss a word. The whispered commands, the breath on my ear, the directions, and of course, the “good girl” that makes me feel on top of the world.
I wish I could feel just a little tiny piece of that right now.
On the vanilla side I had a really long day, work was crazy, family life even crazier and my mind is running in circles. hmmm, maybe that explains it. Did you ever wish you could just have the day spanked/flogged/slapped/fucked out of you? So there right now.