OK so here goes another one! I was struggling with what to write today. I am trying to post daily, it is a great way to purge my mind, even if some of my thoughts are repetitive or rambling. This is my journal. So anyway, I was struggling with what to write today when I came across another “30 Days Of” quiz/meme. I like to do these all at once, like I have said before once I start a quiz I have to finish it, I am not nearly patient enough to take 30 days!
1. Does your submission – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? (ie; submissive/bottom/slave/pet/little/masochist)
Firstly, I should point out that I am not a fan of labels. Rarely is there a one size fits all for anything in life, most especially this. But if I had to choose, I would say “submissive” as that is how I identify. Are there elements of others in my submission? Absolutely, but ultimately I submit. Therefore I am submissive. In the way that makes sense for me personally.
2. Describe who you might submit to and how. (ie; exclusively in the bedroom, 24/7, sexual, service). Are you submissive only in the context or a scene or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?
Generally speaking I am submissive in the context of a scene, although it does bleed over a bit (ie; calling Sir, Sir, during the day via text or just in normal conversation). But I do not live 24/7, not that I am opposed to that, but given my open-relationship status with hubby it isn’t very realistic.
I guess things can start out as play-partners, but I think I would only submit to a man that I could see myself developing a more serious D/s relationship with. I wouldn’t be able to just walk into the local dungeon and submit to someone. Nothing wring with it, I just need the feels too. 🙂
3. How do you know you are submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?
I am not sure I know how to answer this. How do you know you are straight or gay? I just….do? Beginning with submissive fantasies and then onto experimenting that confirmed yes, it does indeed make me happy!
4. Do you switch into a Dominant role at any time? Are you a “switch”? Have you ever thought about it?
No I don’t. It just isn’t in my nature at all. Even the thought of say, flogging someone has me feeling……weird. I don’t think I could do it. Now I haven’t ever tried, but to be honest, I have zero desire to.
5. Have you ever been in a D/s relationship before or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one? How do they compare? What is unique about your relationship in your mind?
Yes/no. I thought I was in one, but have realized it was not really D/s after all. Compared to my small experience so far with Sir? No comparison. Two completely different planets. After experiencing what I have so far with Sir I wouldn’t go back to my previous experience if you offered me anything.
6. What do you feel are the roots of your submission?
I don’t know. I know what it does for me now: an extreme sense of satisfaction for pleasing my Dom, peace, clarity of mind, relaxation, stress relief, it even helps with my Fibromyalgia pain. But where it all stems from? No clue. There was a time when I wanted to know this, but now? I don’t care. I embrace it.
7. Do you accept/expect discipline/punishment as a part of your submission?
Yes, if I screw up I want to know. I want to know I am cared about enough to be corrected. Lovingly, not cruelly. But I am a good girl so this isn’t a huge thing so far 😉
8. Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?
Spanking/impact play yes absolutely. A huge part. But not as punishment, just as…yum.
9. Do you accept/expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?
I think there is an element of this in all D/s relationships. You as the sub set the basic parameters (ie; hard limits) and the Dom sets the tone within those. Just my opinion.
10. Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your D/s relationship? How do you feel about that? If so, is it a core to your submission or on the peripheral or non-existent?
It is a huge part of my submission yes. Bondage, for instance, ironically calms me down, blindfolds help me feel less shy, pain intensifies my pleasure and my feelings of submission. I don’t believe BDSM has to be a part of a D/s dynamic (although I think it commonly is) but it is 100% for me.
11. Do you include service as a part of your submission? What does service mean to you?
I think I am a bit unclear of what “service” relates to. Being submissive by mopping your floors? No thanks lol. I am happy to lend a helping hand, but I wouldn’t personally get much out of that type of dynamic. But I do love servicing the person that is my Dom. Giving massages for example after he has had a long day. That I love to do.
12. Do you include financial submission within the definition of you submission? If so, what does this mean to you?
Nope, nope and nope.
13. Is sexual availability (being available sexually for your partner any time they desire) part of your submission? Why or why not? Are there limits to this?
Yes, in the way that, at any point during play if he wants inside me then he gets inside me. I would also be totally fine with being available any other time, only limits would be dependant on my vanilla life: kids, hubby etc.
14. Does your religious beliefs influence your submission in any way? If so, explain.
No. I am not religious although I do consider myself spiritual, I don’t believe in a God. But either way, religion doesn’t factor in.
15. Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how? If not (or if you are just starting out) how do you see it evolving over time?
Yes it has evolved in a couple of ways.
1. I have a much better idea of what I like/don’t like, what I want/don’t want and what I am looking for in a Dom.
2. I am very at ease and comfortable with this side of myself. I have no shame about being submissive. I had much more conflicting feelings about that years ago when I first started exploring.
16. Have you found your submission has changed with different partners? If you are involved with partners of different genders does their gender affect your submission?
I think my submission is a core part of myself. That doesn’t change depending on the partner. How much of that side of myself I give, or the activities involved definitely do depend on my partner though.
17. What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?
Everything. And I have learned that it is not just the obvious physical trust you must have with a partner (ie; not to get murdered while in bondage) but for me, the emotional trust is key as well. I am an emotional being and my submission centers on that a lot. I need to trust that I am valued, respected and important to someone. Genuinely cared for.
18. How does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires/needs?
It’s huge obviously, or it should be. I am not the best communicator. My mouth doesn’t always want to cooperate with my brain and things just don’t come out the way I want them too. Being shy also gets in the way of communication although I am getting better at having the frank conversations about stuff, it is by no means easy. I articulate better in written form, which isn’t very practical in real life! LOL
I communicate my needs/desires by simply stating them, right off the bat in the beginning. Post play conversations are a good time too if there way something I really didn’t enjoy. But as I have discovered with Sir, my vocal noises, body language (and let’s not forget my multiple orgasms!) communicate with him the whole time too LOL.
19. How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk about this aspect of your life or for networking? Do you ever go to events or connect in any other way either in person or online?
Other than this blog and fetlife I am not very “public”. I would like to attend some events, but not until things have progressed with Sir (if they do) and I have my Dom to go with (and hide behind! lol)
20. Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstances.
Other than physically I don’t think I have had to renegotiate. So far anyway. There are days though where I am just way too ouchy for the hard/heavy stuff. Sir cares about that stuff so I don’t foresee an issue in the future.
21. Is there a physical position that makes you feel the most submissive?
When I think about this question my mind just runs through the whole gamit of positions he posed me in that day. The way he told me to stand, kneel, put my head and shoulders on the floor with my ass up. I think any positon he puts me in makes me feel submissive as the only reason I am standing, kneeling, laying is because he desires it. lovely.
22. Can you feel submissive without a Dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself?
I am submissive. This does not go away without a partner, but without a partner I cannot express it. And that is a terrible, antsy, edgy, unhappy feeling.
23. Is there anything about submission (yours or other people’s) that you dislike or repels you? Was there a time when you questioned or were resistant to your submissive feelings?
To each their own. There are lots of things that may repel me personally, but someone else’s desire to do those things doesn’t repel me.
There was a time I questioned why I was like this. Why I felt so good after a painful session, why I got so much pleasure out of being bound and used, subservient to another person. But now I do not. I have embraced and welcomed this side of myself and I couldn’t be happier.
24. What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings to they inspire?
I have written before about my need to have some “feels” for my partner. The more I feel, emotionally, towards them the deeper my devotion and submission. When like turns to love in the context of D/s it is a beautiful thing. I look forward to hopefully feel that way again one day.
25. Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? What is the special significance?
I have a preparation ritual of my own which helps me get in the right frame of mind, but nothing that has been requested of me yet (it’s still a bit early for that! lol). I do think about having some sort of physical representation of my D/s relationship, maybe a necklace or bracelet or something but again, I am a ways away from that right now, which is OK. But yes a reminder to look at and touch when apart from my Dom is a nice way to feel loved and connected.
26. What are the qualities you seek in a Dominant partner and why? Are some qualities “deal breakers” or “must haves”?
Must haves: Calmness, firmness, experience, respect, good communication, physical attraction and compatibility. Deal breakers are obvious: incompatibility, abuse, disrespect, disregard for my emotional or physical well-being, ignoring safewords or limits.
27. Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet been able to explore?
Probably, but right now I am more focused on learning Sir, what he likes, wants, needs, desires and just experiencing D/s through him and seeing where that takes me 🙂
28. Has your submission ever let you down? Do you have any regrets regarding your submission? Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake? How do you handle these feelings?
I have most definitely made mistakes (read my Past Hurts post), but I can say that I learned from that experience and I try to focus on that, rather than the negative feelings I had/have about that relationship.
29. Is pain or humiliation (ie; spanking) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it, love it, hate but endure it?
Pain yes, to an extent. I like dancing right along the edge of my pain tolerance, where it feels like it might be too much but somehow it isn’t. And pain can certainly heighten my arousal, whether it’s from a flogging or from a good nipple pinching, I do like a side of pain with my pleasure 🙂
30. Is your need to submit being met? If not, or if your situation changed do you think you could be happy and fulfilled in your life if you were never able to express that side of yourself again?
Right now I am in a rediscovery process so it is hard to say. My date with Sir left me simultaneously purring like a kitten full of satisfaction but also dying, starving for more. It has been hard to reign in my eagerness because I just want more and more and I want to learn and learn. Gotta work on my patience. LOL
OK well there you go, I thought this one was pretty decent actually (even if they did hide 2 or 3 questions in each question!). I think sometimes it is good to fill something like this out, even just for yourself. Now off to go tackle some vanilla life stuff!