Addiction

Sometimes I feel like submission is an addiction.  Or maybe it’s Dominance I am addicted to?  Either way.  I….crave.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my vanilla life.  I love my family.  I (mostly) love my job (although not lately), I love my home, I love that I got to spend some time in the sun today.  I even love grocery shopping, because seeing my fridge bursting with fresh and delicious food makes me grateful that we have the means to provide for our family.  And it’s “clean sheets day”.  I loooove clean sheets day.  But none of this changes the fact that there is a part of myself, a big part, an important part, that is hidden, locked away for weeks at a time, unaddressed and wanting.

I am not complaining.  Truly.  I just….want.  I crave.  I want to sit at my Dom’s feet with a glass of wine and just lean in, wrap arms around his leg and feel his hand on my hair.  It is a craving that is visceral.  I can taste it.  I know it will come.  I know that is out there for me, hopefully very close.  But sometimes with a little girl petulance I want it right NOW!

I have this intense desire to learn what pleases him, the just so way he likes things, I want to learn and learn and learn until my head is bursting with new things.  I feel like a kid in a candy store and a million dollars in my pocket.  I just want to try everything.  I want to experience any and everything he has up his sleeves.

Sir says he is looking forward to trying some new things (for me anyway lol) on our next date.  To say I am also looking forward to that would be a colossal understatement.  I just can’t believe my luck to have found someone so compatible so soon, I know some people wait years.  So I am excited to explore all that I can.  But, I’ll admit I am feeling a little….impatient.

I hate feeling impatient.  I do not believe it is a good quality in a submissive to be honest.  I know that I should be focused on his needs, and I swear, I am.  I just wish I could focus on his needs a bit sooner! LOL

Ah well.  I shall reign it in and put my big girl panties on, get on with what I expect will be a hellish week at work and look forward to my date.  6 days and counting!  (and after last week and this week coming I really hope Sir has a craving to administer some serious spanking, because this subbie really really needs one)

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One thought on “Addiction

  1. Yes, yes, yes! A thousand times over – yes! I can completely relate to what you’re writing here. It’s like a drug, needing your next fix. I find that at times it can be difficult to rein that in and balance everyday life with my primary love. I also get impatient because I don’t necessarily know when my next session will be. The joys of being in an LDR…lol. But, as you said, I pull up my big girl panties and deal with it 😊

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